Om dårlig økonomi og jalousi

feb 27, 2015 by

Jeg har aldrig betragtet mig selv som værende et jaloux menneske. Til gengæld er jeg altid blevet inspireret af andres stil, og beundret deres muligheder. Jeg har altid selv været god til at spare op til at kunne købe nogle fine ting (sko, tasker, tøj). Og jeg har haft rigtig meget!
Fornylig fik jeg endelig taget mig sammen til at rydde ud i mit klædeskab – det fyldte 5 sorte sække!! Men det skal også siges, at jeg aldrig har været god til at rydde ud fra sæson til sæson, jeg er en der gemmer (alt).
Nå, men nu er mit skab næsten tomt. Desværre er min konto det samme. En konsekvens af dårligt helbred, nogle års arbejdsløshed og børn er desværre, at den evindelig flod af penge og god løn ikke længere flyder i min retning. Så økonomien skrænter i dén grad. Vi har sat ind med en intens spareplan, og der er faktisk gået lidt sport i at få ting billigst muligt. Her snakker jeg naturligvis om føde- og dagligvarer, tøj, sko og tasker er fuldstændig no-go og uden for rækkevidde.

NU er jeg til gengæld begyndt at blive jaloux, eller misundelig – det lyder pænere. Vi har gode, dejlige venner, hvor deres økonomiske situation er noget helt andet. Ingen helbredsproblemer, fordelagtige jobs og et liv på skinner – udadtil (alle har jo noget at slås med!). Jeg under dem naturligvis deres succes, men åhh hvor jeg dog synes, det er svært, når jeg bliver mødt af lækre stiletter, dyre tasker, designertøj, -møbler, -puder endda, dødlækre smykker (ja, er super misundelig på min bankdame). Mange af disse ting er jo noget, jeg for år tilbage havde en mulighed for at erhverve mig. Men nu har min sygdom også taget dét fra mig. Jeg vil aldrig kunne tage et lille ekstra job, for at spare op til en ny lækker taske. Måske, hvis jeg er meget heldig, får jeg penge retur i skat, men lur mig, om de ikke ryger ned i et uforudset lille hul.
Misforstå mig ikke, jeg er virkelig glad på vegne af dem, som har disse muligheder. Jeg ville jo ønske det var mig. Men det at blive konfronteret med det tit og ofte, er noget jeg slet ikke har været forberedt på. Det kommer til at kræve arbejde fra min side, det bliver helt sikkert også en lang process at skulle igennem. Men det er vist nødvendigt.
Og jeg véd det godt, jeg ér et dårligt menneske at blive misundelig over materielle ting, for det er jo ikke der livets essens ligger. Jeg har min dejlige familie, jeg har mulighed for at mine børn ikke skal være i dagtilbud dagen lang, og vi har en dejlig have, vi kan nyde de smukke årstider i.

Men jeg savner at kunne gå amok i lir og dullegrej, uden bagefter at være sikker på, at jeg får en sms fra banken. Jeg har virkelig ondt af mig selv, ville ønske jeg kunne gøre alt anderledes, eller måske at jeg kunne forske og finde en kur mod min evindelige træthed. Men det har jeg vist ikke energi nok til.

S – T – O – P – s – e – n – d – f – l – e – r – e – p – e – n – g – e 😀
God dag til alle, både med og uden dårlig økonomi!

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